Ariel Needs Legs
by Kinola
Summary: A little mermaid wants to become a part of our world, so she goes to a sea witch to get some legs. Based on the comic by Neil Cicierega.


One day, a little mermaid named Ariel went to the lair of the sea witch Ursula. She wanted to have a pair of legs where her green tail went, so she could walk on land like the humans did.

"Ursula," she said, "I need legs."

"Okay, but no voice," Ursula told her.

Ariel nodded her head, smiling. "Deal."

Ursula frowned. How many legs did a human being have? She looked down at her eight tentacles. "Humans have _eight_ legs, right?"

Ariel frowned as well. "I forget? I thought it was two. Or maybe it's four?"

Ursula leaned forward. "Eight?"

"Okay, eight!" Ariel beamed.

In a flash of green light, Ariel's mermaid tail was replaced by not two, but eight legs. It was just as the light was fading that Ariel realized that she was still in the water.

"Ursula, wait! This doesn't seem to—HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Ursula cupped a tentacle around her ear. "Sorry, what?"

"HHRRRHHRHRHRH! BRRRHHRHRHRHRHRRHR!"

"Oh, that's right! You can't talk anymore," Ursula chortled as Ariel gurgled and bubbled helplessly, her eight legs kicking wildly. "Well, I guess we're done here so..._leave_."

* * *

On some random beach, a young human man named Prince Eric danced around as he played his flute. Ariel, who had managed to get to the surface and on the shore without expiring, watched him from behind a large rock.

_"Oh, shit, it's got two legs," _she thought. _"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit."_

Ariel didn't know what to do. She didn't want to approach the human without scaring him off with her newfound legs. As she pondered over what she should do next, she managed to spot a pink dress lying on the sand nearby. The skirt was big and long enough to hide all eight legs.

_"This dress will work nicely,"_ she thought to herself as she put it on.

* * *

Prince Eric stopped playing his flute to take a breather when he heard a strange trampling sound. Like a herd of horses.

"What the dink is that noise?" he wondered out loud. He turned around and saw a pretty lady in a big pink dress walking towards him.

"Wow, you're pretty," he said. She said nothing, but kept smiling. "Cool dress."

The two began walking down the beach. "I'm a prince," Prince Eric went on. "You sound like two horses." Ariel still said nothing as she scuttled alongside him. "I like talking to you."

* * *

_Many, many hours later..._

"...however, Flareon is the only fully-evolved Fire-type Pokémon that cannot learn Solar Beam," Prince Eric said. He turned back to Ariel and noticed that she was now looking at the flute he held in his hands. He lifted it up higher. The flute seemed to glisten in the setting sun.

"Oh, yeah, I'm working on a medley of all seventeen Pokémon theme songs," he explained casually. "Wanna hear them?"

Without waiting for an answer (knowing now that Ariel was mute), Prince Eric put the flute to the lips and blew into it. It let out an awful shriek. Bits of spittle speckled Ariel's face.

Ariel kept smiling, but she was becoming flustered by the fact that this human was too handsome to handle, and a bit irritated by how awfully he was playing his musical instrument right now.

_"Ugh, I can't not fuck him,"_ she thought to herself.

She'd had enough. She tore off her dress, exposing her eight legs to Prince Eric. She hissed loudly.

Prince Eric stared at her legs, the flute hanging from his lips.

"Whoa. Uh. Hey," Prince Eric mumbled, the flute making a whistling sound each time he spoke. "Igottagotomycastleforasecondokayseeyousoon," he said hurriedly before running off.

* * *

Inside his castle, Prince Eric came across his manservant Grimsby. He explained everything to him.

"This is _so_ weird, Grimsby," Prince Eric sighed as he finished. "What do I do?"

"You like this girl, right?" Grimsby asked him.

"Yeah, Grimsby, but—"

"She wants your hot prince body."

"Yeah, but Grimsby—"

"But what?"

Prince Eric leaned forward. "_Eight legs_."

Grimsby lit a match. "Seven vagánias."

Prince Eric's mouth opened into an "O" of surprise. _Seven vagánias? Seven vagánias!_

He knew what he had to do.

"Okay, thanks, Grimsby!" Prince Eric said as he turned to leave.

Grimsby used the lit match to light his pipe. "Maybe more," he muttered, loud enough for Prince Eric to hear.

"OKAYTHANKSGRIMSBYBYE," Prince Eric yelled as he ran out of the castle.

Grimsby grinned to himself as he began puffing out supernovas from his pipe. "Just imagine…"

* * *

"Hey, pretty lady!" Prince Eric called as he arrived at the beach. "Where did you go?"

She wasn't there. Prince Eric looked around until he came to the water, where he found eight legs floating on the surface. He fell to his knees.

"Oh, no," he murmured sadly. "She gave up and returned to the sea..."

With a sad sigh, Prince Eric lifted the flute to his lips again and began to play a mournful song. From a certain distance, Ariel (who now had her tail back) watched Prince Eric from a rock, watching as the man she knew she could never love play his song for her.

"OH, ARIEL," Sebastian the crab guffawed. "I GUESS YA NEVAH HAD A LAIG TWO STAND ON."

Ariel smashed him with her fist. The end.

* * *

**The Little Mermaid is owned by Disney and Hans Christian Andersen. The comic this story was based on was done by Neil Cicierega. I own absolutely nothing.**


End file.
